Portable Trade Show

How many nutcase, inbred, conservatives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1. One to deny that the light bulb needs to be changed. 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed. 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb. 4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or they are for darkness. 5. One to give a billion dollar no bid contract to Halliburton for a new light bulb. 6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush dressed as a janitor standing on a step ladder under a huge banner:' Light bulb change accomplished!" 7. One administration insider to resign and write about documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark. 8. One to viciously smear number 7. 9 One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along. 10. And finally one to confuse the American people about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country 11. Four hundred and sixty two: Twelve to investigate Clinton's involvement in the failure of the old bulb; twenty-three to deregulate the light bulb industry; sixteen to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D; thirty-four to cut the tax rate on light bulbs; fifty-three to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb; forty-one to talk with defense contractors about night-vision gear instead of light bulbs; and two hundred eighty-three to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs (or screwing anything) on the Internet.

Public Comments

1. whatever
2. What was the question again???
3. But somehow, your "smart" side keeps losing elections... Figure that out, brainiac.
4. Love it! I'm sending this one out tomorrow!
5. I would say you just described your man Clinton to a T. Hard to see the forest for the trees when you blind yourself in half-baked rhetoric.
6. Neocons don't try to screw in a light bulb, they just go over to the light switch and flip it back and forth expecting a different result! That is Einsteins theory for insanity....As we all know as Americans, the Neocons don't have any answers.
7. yes, our smart side keeps 'losing' elections to thieves - diebold is so corrupt - but we've got these jokes to console us.
8. Soon. November. Soon.
9. Half as many at the liberals use...
10. Brilliant !!!!! Wish I would have come up with it.... Standing ovation for the author.
11. Very clever. Now when do we get to hear the democrats plan for saving America.
12. Just one. He writes the $3.00 check to the minimum wage earning Democrat with the low IQ score that breaks 3 bulbs before figuring out how to do this task because he dropped out of school and didn't learn a damn thing. But the conservative pays him anyway because he knows he will get sued for discrimination against the mentally challenged if he doesn't pay for the lousy job the liberal did screwing in the bulb.In the end the conservative gets sued anyway because the liberal cut his finger on the broken glass and had to take the next 30 years or so off work due to the injury. But that's OK because now the stupid SOB can afford to retire anyway because he won 40 million dollars in his lightbulb lawsuit. He then draws welfare and assistance claiming he is broke till the day he dies.
13. well i wont bash you with the freedom of speech which you and i both probably take for granted,i wont bash you with the left wing media whom has made our leaders and policies apoligize to countries whom we apoligize for our actions and in doing so undermine the respect of our leaders as to not piss anyone off..making us look weak,I wont bash you about the last president for trading our missle technology to the communists in china through corporate trading to appease them,and most of all i wont bash you for being angry cause your sources of information have been tainted by emotions and media instead of facts and history,but most of all i wont bash you because like me you are declaring your first ammendment right(which maybe soon will be forced away from us)
14. On November seventh, I'm voting straight Republican, again. Democrats have no plan for running the country.
15. GOP thinks as little a number as possible. Like pretending to let the states changing the light bulbs themselves, and at the same time cut the funding to have the bulbs changed so nothing really gets done except to show that they have big egos because they have better ways of saying things so that no light bulbs actually gets done and the people with bigger and better words get to pocket those funds. So at the end you can have that idiot Russ Limbaugh bashing, on the air, on the stupid liberals who also talk a lot and do nothing so all the bulbs can go out and at the same time we are being screwed in with our taxe funds regardless of who runs the office. I tell you, I'm tired of being lied to through their teeth these politicians so they can retired with better retirement plans and eat better than you and I in the long run. Meanwhile we are dying slowly in retirement homes and being treated poorly by under paid care persons who beat us to hell just because we are old and deaf. So you make a better pick for our next president who at least can be honest, which I believe is an oxymoron.
16. The Reagan Commission on Waste in the Federal Government found that one entrepreneurial privatized conservative enter-prize employee out performed 31 liberal governmental employees.